


Redshit, Blueshit

by EtchCantrellorLightningHeterodyne



Category: Sharp Zero (Webcomic)
Genre: Ace also wishes he wanted a new boyfriend but Alex is tall and handsome and a decent human being, Ace wants a new rommate, Alexander Becket was a jock and nothing will convince me otherwise, Eli is done, Elliot can't keep his mouth shut, Elliot is Elliot, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Multi, The Vindicators are all overgrown children and you know it, The Vindicators are all secretly five, This is the first Ao3 fic I've ever written, Vindicators Assemble, please look for the 'it's muggy out' joke reference, sibling prank war, siblings being siblings, tbh I believe that Danny would do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 14:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15221519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtchCantrellorLightningHeterodyne/pseuds/EtchCantrellorLightningHeterodyne
Summary: Oneshot. Summary: Ace and Alex live together, Kate reluctantly tells Elliot everything and Elliot can’t keep his mouth shut, the Vindicators are all secretly five and Alex and Danny have a sibling rivalry because of that one thing in second grade that neither of them remember (they also don’t remember who’s second grade it was, but siblings don’t need incentive they just need blackmail and a lack of coffee).





	Redshit, Blueshit

Alex and Ace had been dating for three years when Alex found out that the asshole who gave him horrible pancake-sized bruises was also the asshole who worsened said bruises by putting hickeys on them. Of course, at that point they’d moved in together, and Alex was too lazy to dig all of his shit out of the hurricane aftermath that was their living space, so they’d both just decided it was another reason to give the other crap.

Of course, it got out of hand, because Alex, in a moment of unabashed, sleep-deprived, pre-coffee, petty genius, he rekindled the sibling rivalry he and Danny had almost stamped out.

-

It had been two days since the grand reveal, and Alex was fucking tired, because his goddamn roommate almost broke his nose last night, and he got two hours of sleep.

Any sane person would have hopped on Tinder or Grindr or Craigslist and gotten a new boyfriend, but with his family Alex wasn’t sure he was sane in the first place, and once he’d started sleeping with Ace on a mildly regular basis, that belief solidified slightly, and when it went from a long string of one-night stands to an actual relationship Alex resigned himself to the fact that he’d gone insane and there was just nothing he could do about it.

The brunet stumbled into the kitchen, mumbled something to Ace about having the day off, and shoved him away from the coffee maker.

When Alex turned around, Ace was glaring at him.

“Neither of us got any sleep, so give me the fucking pot.”

Alex grabbed one from the sink and shoved it into his dumb boyfriend’s (very toned) chest.

“There you go,” Alex said, with the slightly murderous shit eating grin of someone who finished a book series that was very good and had the worst ending ever, and who was cranky because they stayed up all night reading it only to get whatever shit ending they found.

Ace’s glare intensified. Alex then took a swig of coffee (Ace hated it when he did that because apparently coffee is a drink you sip unless you are on the last few sips of it and about to do something stupid), straight out of the pot (Ace broke up with him for an actual five minutes for that the last time he did it), despite the only mug in their shitty apartment that was his being two feet away (Ace didn’t let him go grocery shopping at three am after being awake for two days, since apparently not ‘properly’ parking the damn shopping cart was a cardinal sin, and ever since then whenever Alex was feeling annoying he did something along those lines).

The green-haired singer snatched it out of his hands, clutching it to his chest in suprisingly well done overdramatic horror.

“You know what you can have this back after I’ve sent you to a seminar on how to drink coffee.”

“I swear I will murder you.”

“Whatever, Redshit.”

What.

What the fuck.

“What did you just call me?”

Ace glanced up from where he was pouring his coffee into a mug.

“Redshit, at least try to seem like you have a brain.”

Alex snatched the coffee pot back.

“Whatever, Skank.”

Ace turned to face him fully, wearing the slightly terrifying fake smiles of someone who is on the verge of committing murder.

“Alexander.”

“Ace.”

“Alexander Becket, what did you just call me?”

“It doesn’t work if you don’t use my middle name and if you aren’t my mother.”

The singer straightened.

“Alexander Geraldine Becket, what the fuck did you just call me?”

“Skank. Because it fucking rhymes and I can’t think of anything more irritating at the moment.”

Ace blinked at him a few times, seemingly decided he wasn’t actually going anywhere with that, and grabbed Alex’s mug for him.

-

Danny had heard from Elliot who’d heard from Kate who’d heard from Ace that Ace was Crank, Kate was Dispatch and that Alex knew both of these things. Danny had also told Ace about the whole Blueshift thing about a year ago, so in retrospect he really shouldn’t have been surprised.

It wasn’t surprising to hear them bicker over it when he arrived, despite the fact that the rest of his time there that night was spent trying to fall asleep while he pretended he couldn’t hear them fucking in the next room.

His brother was into some kinky shit and Danny could have died happy without that knowledge.

The next morning was spent chugging coffee in between sleep deprived grumbling, and pointedly ignoring the hickeys… everywhere, on Alex, because Danny was modest.

Except when it came to Elliot.

“Ace give me the fucking coffee pot.”

“Make me, Redshit.”

“Fuck off, Skank.”

“Will you two shut the hell up!? Some of us are trying to do our homework like responsible adults!”

And, in what must have been the first moment of dickish sleep deprived genius he’d ever had in front of Danny, Alex turned, glared and said:

“Oh shut up Blueshit.”

Oh, it is on.

-

Apparently the Vindicators were all secretly five, because in the next two weeks everyone but Eli had picked a side between Alex and Danny. Samirah, Ace, Kate, Kim, and Zipper sided with Alex, though Alex was pretty sure Zipper had no idea what was going on, and Elliot, Madina, Isaiah, Tanis, and Natia sided with Danny, though Alex had no idea why as far as the last two went.

It had quickly devolved into a prank war. Danny replaced Alex’s protein powder with coco mix. Alex retaliated by putting all of Danny’s mugs in the hallway outside his room. Danny got Madina to put a Five Hour Energy in his coffee (probably because of his powers, Alex reacted… really weirdly to things meant to make your heart explode), and Alex convinced Zipper to switch Danny’s cup of coffee with a cup of soy sauce.

Oddly enough, this time it didn’t end with the two of them screaming insults at each other on the front lawn while covered in rainbow-dyed glittery shaving cream.

Alex and Danny had been called in because Eli wanted to try and explain magic with science (again) and it wasn’t going to work (again) and he was wasting his time (again).

He wasn’t there yet, Kim was on their phone, Zipper was… somewhere, Natia and Tanis were making out, Samirah and Madina were making out, Isaiah was also on their phone, Elliot was chatting with Ace and Kate was also on her phone.

Danny and Alex were having a screaming match.

Again.

“At least I didn’t cry the first time someone called me cute!” Alex shouted.

“That’s because everyone thought you were cute!”

Elliot interjected.

“I mean I think everyone here who’s into guys can see why they all thought Alex was cute.”

“To this day I don’t know why I was popular in high school.” Alex muttered.

Danny whipped around so fast Alex was briefly worried that his brother had become a praying mantis.

“DON’T EVEN TRY TO LIE TO THEM YOU WERE A FUCKING JOCK IN HIGH SCHOOL!”

The room was dead silent.

Alex didn’t have to look to know that everyone was staring at them.

Kim set their phone down in that very slow way they used when they were about to kill someone.

“Alex.”

“Yes, Kim?”

“Why did you never mention this?”

Um… why does it matter?

Kim stared incredulously at him until he realized he said that out loud.

“Because you’re the only jock on this squad.”

“I’m fairly sure I’m not.”

“Show of hands who in this room was a jock or a cheerleader?”

Alex was the only one to raise his hand.

“It gets worse,” Danny said. “He was the fucking quarterback.”

“DANNY!”

“What?”

It probably would have become a ‘let’s hate on Alex for his high school career choices’ fest, but Eli walked in with his usual perfect timing.

He glanced between Danny and Alex, seemed to figure out what was going on, and slapped the folder he was holding onto the table between them.

“And the Shit siblings are at it again.”

Eli made direct eye contact with each of them, and Alex knew he did it in just the right half-second to see both of their souls die.

“How dare you.” 

For once Danny spoke first.

“Eli we can’t be friends anymore.”

“Were we ever, Redshit?”

Ah, fuck.

Damn you Ace.

Fortunately, Ace found a way to make up for it when they both got home that night.


End file.
